This is the definitive guide to every person you’re likely to come across at University. You are probably one of these people and you all definitely know at least one person who fits each criteria!
1. The Lad
The chanting, the drinking, the football, the nakedness, all of these combine to create The Lad. He will usually have very few girl mates, call out anyone for shit chat and only hang around people with ‘top banter’. Oh yeah, and his neck nomination was the cringiest thing you have ever seen
2. The Shit Drunk
Often The Lad, no matter how many times people tell him he can’t handle his booze, he will always take it too far. It will usually start off fairly calm but by midnight they’ll be shouting in your ear, putting you in an aggressive headlock, getting in pointless fights and sweating like a mother fucker. But it’s fine, it was ‘jokes’
3. The Society Slut
Social Sec, President, Treasurer, The Society Slut fucking loves her society. The society is literally her life and the initiation was the best night of her life. She probably organised a nude calendar shoot.
4. The Philosopher
She moved away from home and suddenly she’s discovered the meaning of life. Posting shitty quotes on her Facebook wall, or divulging in late night chats about how unsustainable our way of life is, The Philosopher does make some good points but the majority is just full of shit
5. The Budding DJ
The DJ will always challenge you in knowing the most obscure acts and ensuring each pre-lash is littered with random tunes from his Soundcloud. He has decks in his room, spends the majority of his time in there and you’ll often hear him say ‘the drop in this one is sick’
6. The Shagger
Th Shagger loves to go out, get trashed and wake up the next day next to a solid 6/10. He gets respect from his mates for his antics despite the fact that ‘he only ever shags butters girls’.
7. The Druggy
Ket, Pills, MD, Meow Meow, 2CB, Coke, you name it, they’ve done it and they are not embarrassed to tell you all about it. ‘I was on so much gear maaaaaannnn, didn’t have a clue where I was’. You’ll usually find these people drooling in a K hole at 5am on a random bed with dim lighting surrounded by sheets imported from India
8. The Drifter
Who are their mates? No one really knows. You’re kind of matey with them and will stop for a chat or even a drink but you never actually know who they are close with. These are The Drifters, acquaintances with everyone, bessies with no one.
9. The Naked One
This will usually occur on a night out or if you live with The Naked One, you’ll be exposed to their bare skin on a daily basis. Few drinks down however and the t-shirt is off, trousers are by the ankles and drink is most probably down their face.
10. The Entrepreneur
A new ‘banging’ club night, a sunday football league, a new shitty app, The Entrepreneur is always trying to get some sort of project off the ground. Usually littering it across his/her Facebook, you’re never sure if The Entrepreneur is doing it to make money or just to tell people about it
11. The Gamer
Xbox is his passion. He will often spend an entire day ‘gaming’ and even at pre-drinks will encourage people to have a quick game of FIFA or FIF’ as he a cheekily nicknames it. Drop the controller and go for a drink, seriously
12. The Hard Worker But Won’t Admit It
‘So unprepared for these exams’, ‘OMG I have so definitely got a 3rd in the Coursework FML’ < FUCK OFF. I see you in the library every day, your housemates ensure me your always revising in your room and you have never got less than a 2.1 in anything you have ever done. Pipe the fuck down, you’re kidding no one
13. The Couple
These guys probably met on week one of Uni or even worst came to Uni as a couple (the absolute worst). They’re a good couple to be fair but you can’t help but wander what he or she might have been like if they weren’t crippled by a relationship. More often than not, these guys tend to break up immediately Uni, what a fucking waste of time that was
14. The Gym Guy
Tank top on, shaker in hand, ‘Gym Guy’ pumps iron and all the clothes he buys are designed to let you know how hard he hits it. Either bulking or shredding, you can always count on Gym Guy to keep you informed on his workouts and diets and fear not, he will always let you know when Beach Season is approaching
15. The Slut
Much like The Shagger, this girl intends to take full advantage of the plethora of horny guys that swarm around campus. However, unlike The Shagger, this doesn’t give her a good reputation. Most likely though, she doesn’t care will continue to shag whoever she wants while delving in to the occasional threesome. She also gets with girls a lot
16. The Drama One
Enthusiastic and bouncy, this (usually a) girl is high on life and applies the term drama to everyday life. She can easily relate to each character on Mean Girls, falls in love with people she’s known for 30 seconds and loves describing things as dynamic
17. The Edgy One
Who cares that he came from a £30K a year Public School and their allowance is over a grand a month, they came to Uni for one specific reason, to reinvent themselves. Shed away the old stereotype and enter the world of silence shrugs and clothes from vintage shops. You’ll often see them listening to music they don’t like and explaining how they used to like a band or DJ but then they went mainstream
So there we have it, the definitive list of people you will meet at University. Which one is your best mate and more importantly, which one is you?! Please let us know if we have missed any obvious ones out and SHARE this with your friends!