Photographers are a different kind of creatures. We are both artists and entrepreneurs. We love our cameras and we sure love playing with them, sometimes too much. After a longer series of technical articles and advice, I thought I’d put together a list of reasons why you shouldn’t date a photographer. Before we get started, I just want to point out that although some of the items on the list will seem realistic, it’s all intended to make you laugh or at least bring a knowing smile on your face. At the end of the day, everybody loves photographers, otherwise I can’t explain why so many people want to get into photography. Without further ado, I bring you the 41 things to take into account before setting a date with a photographer.
1. They’re weird
Photographers are artists. And that should be self explanatory. You might find yourself at a restaurant table with a photographer who is looking deep into your eyes. Well, don’t be fooled. He’s probably thinking about your best angle
2. The birthday presents will surprise you
Most of the times it will be a framed portrait of yourself, captured some time ago when you probably weren’t looking.
3. Their favorite days are not yours
Like most people, you probably enjoy a bright, sunny day. Well, photographers enjoy foggy, gloomy mornings that would make most people sad.
4. They’re hoarders
Photographers collect piles of news papers, magazine, and generally anything they find inspiring, even for a short term.
5. They will break the law
Trespassing into abandoned buildings has always been a favorite activity among photographers, and they rarely even concern themselves with the fact that they are breaking laws.
6. Your vacation luggage will look like you’re moving
That’s because no photographer who respects himself will go on vacations without at least 50lbs of gear.
7. Watching movies together will not be as expected
The reason for that is because photographers will constantly criticize choice of color and frame composition in a movie.
8. They mark everything
Especially their photos. You will rarely see a photographer’s portfolio that’s not full of watermarks.
9. Everyone else sucks
Photographers are very proud creatures. Therefore, nobody else’s work is as good as theirs, and, at best, it can only come close.
10. Envy takes a new form
Among men, there is the well-known term penis envy. Among photographers, it’s a whole different thing. It’s called camera envy.
11. They spend time with cool people
You might be an interesting person with interesting friends, but photographers spend most of their time with models, stylists, designers and other cool people.
12. Their movie choices are different than yours
That’s because most of their choices are old, artsy movies that most people never get.
13. They like to play it vintage…in excess
They either use film cameras or dress like photographers did forty years ago.
14. They are control freaks
They like to control the position of anything. Whether it’s you or the coffee cup on the table. It has to look good.
15. They don’t care about your opinions
Yet they always want to show you their latest photos.
16. Their communications is awkward at the least
They might not return your phone calls or Facebook messages, but you can be sure that if you check their Instagram account, it will be active on a daily basis.
17. They are way too honest about your looks
If you ask a photographer if you look fat, he’ll probably say yes, but not to worry, he’ll Photoshop it later.
18. They spend most of their time in front of a computer
It’s not for Facebook or porn, but they can spend days in a row editing their pictures.
19. Romantic sunsets will never be the same
Unlike any other people, when you gaze at a beautiful sunset with a photographer, instead of feeling the romantic mood, they’ll probably be thinking “f8 at 1/125”.
20. They won’t spend any serious money on you
If you go out with a photographer and point out a certain pair of shoes that you really like, you should remove any expectations. They might cost 100$ but they won’t get them for you. Instead, they will $1000 glass for themselves.
21. Meals together will be quite different
Instead of actually enjoying their meal, photographers will probably spend the first five minutes Instagraming the dish from every possible angle.
22. They hate it when your friends ask photography questions
One thing photographers hate being asked by newbies, are questions about camera purchases. They get irritated when someone wants a camera “that takes good pictures, but it shouldn’t be anything professional”.
23. Holding hands will be pretty rare
That’s because they’ll be carrying a heavy camera most of the times.
24. They never send you the photos they take…of you
Noticed how your photographer girlfriend or boyfriend snapped a few random shots of you the other day? Don’t worry. You’ll probably never see them.
25. They don’t run away from natural disasters
If you live in a hurricane active area and are dating a photographer…good luck! Instead of running away, your love one will probably wait around for the action to happen, just to get some dramatic shots in that rare light.
26. Anniversaries will be missed
Think of it this way: if your anniversary and an interesting workshop happen on the same day, you might as well forget about the romantic dinner.
27. They are hazardous to themselves
If any accidents happen or if there is a hazardous situation, a photographer will protect his gear before anything else. That means that you or they are secondary priorities.
28. They stare at people in public
If you catch your date staring at someone attractive or, just as well someone different, don’t worry, they’re not having any dirty thoughts. They’re probably just imagining the photo they would take of that person. It doesn’t make it any less awkward or embarrassing though.
29. They find beauty in the weirdest places
That includes dirty alleys, places with a lot of poverty or just about any other location normal people would stay away from.
30. You’ll have a hard time proving that you were together on vacation
That’s because they’ll be taking most of the pictures, without themselves being in front of the camera.
31. They won’t photograph what you ask them
Think having a photographer partner will bring you advantages? Think again. Photographers are very proud and stubborn creatures and they will rarely photograph anything they consider unworthy, unless it’s paid or they like it.
32. They’ll remind everyone of what it is they do
If you’re out socializing with friends and are having a normal conversation, don’t expect it to last too long. Your date will probably be jumping in with some “killer” stories about a place or a person they photographed in the past.
33. Birthday presents will be expensive
Anything under $500 will probably not buy them anything useful for their hobby, not something they already haven’t got anyway.
34. They won’t Photoshop your older photos
Your older vacation or family photos might need some improvement and your photographer partner should be just the person for the job. Not likely. Their ego will prevent them from editing anything not taken by them.
35. They don’t like your emo and artsy friends
That’s because unless it’s someone more famous than them, they’re not really worth spending time with.
36. They hardly print any of their work
Yet the storage space on their computer is always low because of the massive numbers of photographs.
37. If you accidentally drop a camera, you’ll owe them big time
The average contents of a photographer’s bag cost anywhere between $1500 and …well a lot. Make sure you are extra careful around their gear, or else.
38. You’ll turn into a model, whether you like it or not.
It might seem like fun in the beginning, but don’t be fooled. Whenever you’re out for a walk and the light will seem interesting for your date, you’ll have to pose for at least one portrait. And no, the clothes you’ll be wearing won’t matter.
39. They’re a pain at family events
Let’s say someone in your family is getting married and you decide to bring your date. Most of their attention will probably be going to the photographer hired to shoot the wedding. It will be a mix of criticism of everything the hired pro does and a secret envy that he didn’t get to do it, even after refusing in the first place.
40. Nothing natural is good
Translated: every picture must be tweaked with Photoshop or Lightroom. Don’t ever expect to see any pictures straight out of the camera.
41. When staring into your eyes, it usually means something else
You might find it to be a romantic moment, but it’s usually a process that goes on in their mind and has to do with how they would correct the tiny imperfections on your face