I recently had my first child, and it has opened my eyes to the magical world of baby products. You definitely need a lot of new things when having a baby, but some products out there are kind of crazy, and you should probably not waste your money.
Laugh and Learn Apptivity Case
geeklany.wpress.huDo babies really need iPhones this badly?
Zacky Hand Pillow
thegreenhead.comThis creepy hand pillow is for when you don’t want to touch your baby anymore, but don’t want him or her to notice you’ve left.
gizmodo.comThis baby snuggie will make you look like you have an alien inside you.
gadgetsformothers.comThis seems like the best scam ever. I only wish I thought of it first.
Baby’s Poop Alarm
stayathomemompreneur.comThis device can alert you of a dirty diaper the moment it happens by sensing humidity, odor, and temperature changes. Just changing the baby regularly throughout the day isn’t that hard.
daddle.comBy the time you get this on, you child will have probably moved on to something else.
ecx.images-amazon.comI could actually see this succeeding as an adult product, but it’s probably not necessary for a toddler.
The Windi gas relievers
toysrus.comFrom the same company that brought you the Snotsucker comes these gas relieving butt plug things??
perfumesclub.co.ukI never thought that my daughter needed baby perfume. Maybe she just smells to other people, and I really have to buy this.
blogspot.comJust wait and their hair will grow soon enough. That’s how it works.
toysrus.comKids bump their heads and get over it. It’s how they learn to be more careful. Don’t protect them from learning.
Snazzy Baby Knee Pads
babeaze.com.auWith this and the Thudguard, you might as well just put your baby in a bubble.
Onesie with built-in mop
justsomething.coWhen you want to make your child earn their food by doing chores.
Baby high heels
ecx.images-amazon.comBabies don’t even walk yet so regular shoes aren’t even really needed, but high heels are just insane.
ecx.images-amazon.comYou are supposed to use these to cover up your boy’s junk during diaper changes to stop any accidents. I may have a girl but can still tell you babies move way too much for these things to stay on.
crumbcap.comIf you are worried about a messy baby, you shouldn’t have had a baby.
Baby Butt Fan
onsugar.comDrying your baby’s butt before putting a diaper back on can help reduce diaper rashes. I just use the diaper I’m about to put on as a fan.
kickbee.netThis motion-sensing belt sends a tweet on behalf of your baby every time a kick is detected. I don’t think even my closest friends or family would want that many updates, much less, the entire world.
NoseFrida the Snotsucker
wordpress.comThe snot sucking tube really grosses me out, especially the strange noise it makes. A tissue works just fine for me.
The Baby Lasso
babylasso.comYour baby will move around during changes, but I don’t see this really helping much.
amazon.comPerfect for your little teething carnivore.
Gotta Go Mitts
gottagomitts.comWhen washing your hands with soap just won’t do.
mom4life.comThis tub (i.e., expensive bucket) is womb-shaped and that is supposed to ease the baby’s transition into the world. Just buy a regular bucket if that’s what you want.
The bottle holder
baolaichau.vnInspired by the beer holders we see at every NFL game, this product is great when you are just sick of caring for your child.
Designer barf bag
Ride on vacuum
“It’s a Boy!” Card
The Crib Dribbler
amazon.comFeed your baby like that pet rat you always wanted. OK this isn’t a real product, but you can buy this prank box to give one of the other ridiculous items to an expecting mother.
You will need to buy a lot of new things to take care of a baby, but the less you really need, the better. We’ve survived this long without giving our babies touchscreens, we can (and should) probably go longer.