1. “You look tired.”
Do you know anyone who doesn’t look like crap after they had a rough night’s sleep? Exactly. Just cut the crap and tell us we need some more concealer.
2. “Why are you so crabby? Are you PMSing/ on your period?”
I don’t need to be hormonal for you to get on my nerves.
3. “Are you pregnant?”
Unless you are a. a doctor or b. able to see a baby emerging from her at that very moment, it’s better to be safe than sorry here.
4. “Are you sure you should be eating that?”
If you saw someone poison my food, please be more direct. If not, yes, I am sure.
Creepy dudes on the street seem to think I would somehow be prettier if I walked around with an ear-to-ear grin on my face all the time, but I just think it would be creepy.
I would say that this is how you treat a dog, not a person, but even my dog gets treated better than that.
7. “Nice tits/ass.”
My boyfriend has earned the right to say those things to me in the right situation. Once you have dealt with my post-Chipotle toots, you can, too.
8. “Why aren’t you married/having kids yet?”
The sound of my ticking biological clock soothes me to sleep.
9. “That’s not very lady-like.”
What can I say? Have itch, will scratch.
10. “You really shouldn’t be wearing that bathing suit.”
I tried on other ones, but none of them could contain all this sexiness.
11. “Oh, trust me, you’ll want kids eventually.”
Will I also win the lottery? Get hit by a car on my way to work? Please tell me more about your fortune-telling abilities.
“That… that’s it! That’s the magic word! I’m totally calm now!” – no one, ever, in recorded history
13. “You’d be prettier with more/less makeup.”
Thanks for the tip. From now on, I’ll plan out my entire morning routine based on your preferences.
14. “That outfit makes you look like a slut.”
And that comment makes you look like a jerk.
15. “You were kind of asking for it.”
It doesn’t matter what ‘it’ is. My clothes, my state of inebriation, nor how late it is count as an invitation.
16. “Why would you do that to your hair?”
Because it’s my dream to be a Disney princess. A Disney princess that has rainbow hair for some reason.
17. “Men prefer curvy girls/skinny girls/petite girls/tall girls anyway.”
Five minutes on the average porn website will teach you that different men prefer different body types… and other ‘different’ things. *shudder*
18. “You’re acting like such a girl.”
I will act concerned when you tell me I’m acting like a potential serial killer. Acting like something that I am is not noteworthy, nor is it bad.
19. “You perform an action well, for a girl.”
It started out as a compliment and then turned into an insult. Why.
20. “Get back in the kitchen.”
Bruh, if you’re going to crack misogynistic “jokes,” at least make them original.
21. “Stop being so sensitive.”
Start choosing your words better.
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