You’ll spend an entire afternoon trying to figure out how to hang it, and it’ll be completely dead two weeks before Christmas.
15. Nativity Scene
And a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all necessary figurines shall never be present and accounted for in the same year. Chronologically inappropriate substitutions shall be taxed.
14. Fake Snow
No matter what Martha Stewart says, it will always come out looking like someone played a really bad game of tic tac toe on your windows.
Keeping track of how many kids you have is harder than you’d think.
If by some Christmas miracle they’re not smashed to smithereens, holiday tradition dictates that there won’t be a single hook in the box. Thankfully, there are always alternatives.
11. Christmas Tree (fake)
Much easier to set up but…
…no matter how may times you bend and fluff those plastic limbs, there will always be something missing.
10. Popcorn Garland
No need to add cranberries: your bloody fingers will provide all the red color you need.
9. Christmas Tree (real)
First, you’ve got to strap it to your car, scratching the crap out of your roof, and potentially causing a fatal accident when it flies off into the car behind (thanks for nothing Home Depot guy).
And no matter how many times you crawl under there to adjust the stand, it’ll never really be straight.
Doesn’t matter: if you’ve got a cat, it’s gonna hit the floor at least three times before the 25th anyway.
8. Tree Topper
One false move, and the whole thing goes.
You’ll find it impossible to stop tossing it until it’s hard to tell that your tree was ever green.
Which means you’ll be vacuuming it up well into February.
6. Inflatable Snowmen, Nutcrackers, et al
These trappings will look great for the 20 minutes after you set them up. The next morning? Christmas massacre.
5. Train Set
Five hours of snapping tiny track together. Five seconds to kill every fictional passenger on their way to grandmother’s house.
4. Gingerbread House
You spend literal days trying to convince a baked good to defy the laws of physics (isn’t this fun kids? ISN’T IT?) only to watch it implode like a doublewide in a hurricane. You’ll still it eat anyway, of course. There’s candy in there.
3. Lights (indoor)
No matter how neatly you put them away, they WILL emerge from the box looking like something the cat coughed up.
Then you have to find the broken bulb that’s blowing it for the entire string.
And you’ll inevitably get the spacing all wrong, thus running out of lights way before you reach the top.
2. Roof Santa
You risk life and limb foisting ‘ole Saint Nick on the roof, and this is the thanks you get.
1. Lights (outdoor)
This is why people hire professionals.
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