12 Things That You’re Never Going To Do In This Lifetime. Ever. Move On. Get Over It

We live in a world where the lives of the rich and famous are forcefully thrown in front of our faces through the powers of apps like the Daily Mail that we voluntarily download and look at (not read, its all about the pictures and they know it), then deny viciously to our friends.

The lives of said celebrities are ridiculous. They are rich and their not ashamed to show it. Updating their Instagram, posting a hot new tweet, there lives are better than yours and boy do they fucking know it.

We’ve compiled a list of these celebs doing the most dicky/cool shit, just to further remind you that your life sucks and you’re never going to do any of the below. Don’t give up on your dreams people.



1. Eat Steak and Chips off a models back while sitting on a rooftop garden looking over a beautiful city


Yeah, that’s right, Eddie Fucking Murphy just did this. Worried the steak knife may cut the girls back? She’s a plate you idiot. Plates don’t have feelings

2. Stand in front of your mansions holding your three massive Doberman’s while wearing an incredible suit


P.Diddy ladies and Gentleman, here’s so much cooler than you

3. Dance around a stage and have thousands of people shout CHRIS when you shout out “When I say *Insert Name* You Say Chris” on a beautiful sunny day

The things I would do to have a crowd of people shouting the name Chris. The things I would do.

4. Sit on the hood of your white Ferrari (with the indicator on) doused in golden jewellery while your private jet chills in the background


Rick Ross aka RichForever, showing his fresh style once more. Have all the jets you want mate, I don’t care, honestly…

5. Sit in a hotel room choosing a watch from a suitcase of 18 while two stunning girls sit on your king size bed counting out your money, just to see how rich you are

Classic Floyd Mayweather. Cool idea creating a brand called The Money Team though, thats not cunty at all

6. Have thousands of people scream you and your sisters name because your Dad’s wife’s ex husband was the lawyer for OJ Simpson…

To be fair, Kendall Jenner is fucking fit

7. Use hundred dollar bills as toilet paper. Or £50 notes for that matter



Scott Disick, welcome to the party! We love you, but only ironically

8. Have a shoe collection like this (one for the ladies)


OMG having those shoes would be unreal. I’ve been told this is the typical reaction of a woman to this photo

9. Rent a private jet, ensuring there is spare seats for your two dogs, who if get thirsty, have a bottle of champagne at the ready



Those dogs have a better life than you. How does that make you feel?

10. Have a fridge that looks remotely like this


You’d be luck to even have a separate fridge for food and drink (thats a thing…). Even if you mustered up the cash for two fridges, you’d have enough of your budget left for a single can of Rubicon Mango

11. Smoke joints the size of your arm


You smoke king skin joints??!! HAHA is that a joke, take a look at yourself in the mirror, a long hard look. Good, now try and roll a joint like Bad Girl RIRI

12. Sit at your Garden table, which is on a rooftop looking over LA, cleaning your guns while a model sits next to stroking your cat and two fully naked models play a casual game of ping pong behind you

Screen Shot 2014-05-10 at 17.22.14

Common, we weren’t gunna miss out the guy that inspired this fucking article!

There we have it. A list that will make you feel infinitely better about your life. Why? Because you have friends, family and a nice stable life. And that’s what is important in life….Right?!

Share this list with your friends!

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