Going on dates has never been easier. With Tinder and all the other dating sites, getting a date is as easy as swiping right.
Over the last year I’ve met some interesting ladies here in Chicago. It’s no secret Chicago isn’t the best place for single guys (compared to NYC for example). Girls here always end up with Mr. Vanilla, who way outkicked his coverage. I’ve taken a look back at some girls I’ve met, as well as girls my buddies have dated. Here are 12 red flags you need to be aware of.
12. She doesn’t eat meat.
She probably also uses deodorant made from tree bark, toothpaste made from vegetable compost, and won’t drink a crisp American lager. Also known as the terrorists winning.
11. She likes the Kardashians.
Talentless, materialistic hacks. Kim Kardashian could sell half the girls I’ve met the last year a ball of dog shit. Literally, dog shit. If they like the Kardashians they care more about shiny things than you, believe that. One girl I know called called Kim K. an ‘entrepreneur’ – taught us how to get famous by taking it in the butt from a scrub, on camera.
10. She’s always in a relationship.
She’s dependent, settles, no substance, or confidence. A seasoned vet at the ‘bitch face.’
9. She tells you she uses Tinder for an ego boost on the first date.
8. She tells you that you two should see each other less because she is “working on personal issues.”
Just got out of a relationship, wants to “let loose’ on the weekends, if you know what I mean. (Penis Garage)
7. She has more than one family emergency on the days you are supposed to hang out.
If you stick around for more than two of these, you are a sad excuse for a man.
6. She has to lie to people about how you met, because meeting at a bar is “creepy.”
5. She still says “YOLO.”
She also does the duckface, while holding up a peace sign, while on a boat. Guarantee.
4. She likes to talk about how she knows a lot of athletes.
*A lot of athletes have put their penis inside her. 100%.
3. All her exes are way uglier than her.
Self-esteem issues. Can’t handle you getting attention. Needs to be in the power position. Her ex looks like this guy.
2. Her texts don’t match up with your face to face convos.
It’s much easier to be a piece of shit through the text than face to face, obviously. The texting version of her is the real version.
1. She only goes to clubs.
These girls. The gym selfies. The duckfaces at age 26. The materialistic bullshit. Bottle service. Caked on makeup. (ALWAYS a lot less hot than they act). Give me a girl that’s as comfortable in heels as she is shotgunning a beer.